Do you FROG?

FROG: Fully Rely on God!

Rick and I just returned from the celebration service for Heather Miller. What an amazing testimony of God’s love and faithfulness to this family. Heather touched so many lives in the 11 years that she was alive. Her parents and sister all spoke at the service. They were wonderful. They talked about their love for each other and Heather, About Heather and her unspoken acts of love that she showed everyone and how much God has sustained them. The service was packed. People showed up to show their respects for Heather and the family and the majority of them were wearing their FROG bracelets.

Heather walked the walk. She lived out how to Fully Rely on God. Wendy spoke about how her life was like a puzzle, with God making up the outer edges and that each one of us were a part of the puzzle that made up Heather’s life. She challenged everyone at the service to continue to FROG and to continue to make a difference with the puzzle pieces that we are given. I carry a little metal frog in my pocket that has the word believe on it’s stomach. It was given to me by the Miller family a few months ago. I will continue to carry it to remember this beautiful young lady and our God who heals, who saves and who loves us all.

I will continue to FROG. It is the only way to truly live, to truly love and to truly honor God.

Heather we will miss you for now but I know we will see each other again. It will be a joyous smile filled reunion!

January 14 through today! God is good!

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. After the plea hearing Rick and I went out-of-town to get loved on and to rest and relax. It was just what I needed. I didn’t realize how much the legal stuff was hovering over our lives. It was kind of like PigPen and the dirt cloud that surrounded him! Once I was able to take a step away from the entire process, I dumped a huge weight off of my shoulders. It was then that I realized how awesome God has been. He gave me the strength that I needed for that moment, for that hour and for that day. It is like the manna that God gave to the his people as they wandered in the dessert. The manna was good for one day, no more, no less! Exactly what they needed for that day! This is a wonderful and amazing thought. I get exactly what I need when I need it, not a minute too soon or too late. This thought has given me a lot of confidence over the last few weeks. Unfortunately we have needed that confidence as we have heard from people who are angry at us about our decision to accept the plea agreement and others who think we wimped out.  Thankfully the people who love us and support us have far outweighed the others!

We have prepared our statement for the sentencing hearing on March 5th and we are moving forward with our lives and plans. Last Friday we met with an attorney to get the paperwork filed for the Foundation. I am putting a check in the mail tomorrow so he can get our tax ID number! Then we file the papers with the state and then the IRS.  As soon as this is completed we will be approaching people to join us on the board of the foundation. We want friends who support the goals of the foundation and who bring various gifts to the table. The next step will be to set up some fund-raising activities.  We need a base amount to have in the bank so that we can use the interest to give out scholarships and for the support group I plan on starting this year. I believe that God has some plans for us and we are walking forward one step at a time. I would like to do some more speaking for various groups about the power of God to forgive and to heal among other topics. I have started to edit my journal and I might be ready to submit some articles to various magazines. But one step at a time. With God’s blessing and direction I will walk forward in faith!

I am excited because I am feeling ready to start thinking about the future and the plans that God has for us. It feels good, really good! God has brought us through the valley, step by step, with his strength! I am so grateful, humbled and in awe of his mercy and love. Thank you my dear, awesome Abba Father!

As we wait for the final legal hurdle on March 5th, I wait with the knowledge and the power that God has seen us through and he will continue to walk with us!

Thank you my dear friends and God bless. I will continue again another day!

The last few weeks and info

The last few weeks have been very emotional as we have waited to hear if the trial was going to happen. There were motions flying so fast that I talked to Lynn almost daily. subpoenas were issued and everyone prepared for the battle to come. Our prayers daily were for strength and peace and wisdom. In the middle of everything, Lynn called us to say that there were meetings and phone calls going on about a possible plea deal. Well we have heard that before. I even spoke on the phone to Attorney Chris Amato back in July to let him know that we were willing to have Lynn negotiate. Those talks have fallen through every time the subject has been raised. We know that Lynn has a great case and that if a trial was supposed to happen then God would give us the strength to handle it But we also understood that there was always the chance that a jury could find him not guilty. It is always a possibility when a jury trial happens.

So we hear that talks are happening. We wait, we wait some more, we wait over the weekend. Finally Tuesday morning we here that JC Amato, Jr has verbally given his approval to the plea and that he has even signed the papers acknowledging that he understood the terms. But I still couldn’t let myself believe that it could be over just like that.

This morning as we prepared to leave for the courthouse,  I even thought about what would happen if JC changed his mind at the last second. I was prepared for anything to happen. We drove to Lisbon and called Lynn when we got into the courthouse. We were able to go directly up to the Prosecutor’s office on the third floor to await the start of the trial. Lynn met us there along with several of the assistant prosecutors and Detective Andy Sweeney. Everyone was very kind and took care of us. When we were ready to head into the courtroom Andy escorted us directly into the room. The media cameras were already in place. Everyone took their place and the Bailiff called JC and his attorneys into the courtroom. This was the first time we had seen JC since before Tonia died. I was shocked by how old and hunched over he looked.

The judge then was announced with the traditional “please rise for the Honorable C. Ashley Pike”.  It had started. The judge asked Lynn to give him a brief summary about the charges and asked him some questions. Lynn let him know that the state agreed to the pleas and that we had also been informed and agreed. The judge clarified that we were present in the courtroom and that we had indeed agreed to the pleas. We were surprised because legally we have no say in the matter. It has only been through the graciousness of Lynn that he has kept us informed and asked our opinion. His job as the prosecutor is to do what is best for the people of Ohio.

The judge then called JC and his attorneys to the podium. He read through all of the charges and what the charges meant and asked JC if he understood. He then asked him if he was under the influence of any drugs, alcohol or medications. JC stated that he was taking a medication prescribed by his doctor but that it helped him to think more clearly. The judge confirmed his statement once again.

At that time he asked him if he was ready to state his plea. JC stated that he was ready at that time.

“On the case of voluntary manslaughter with a weapons specification, how do you plead?”

Guilty!

At that time I broke down crying. At last we heard him say that he was guilty of killing Tonia. The legal journey has found some closure.

The judge then set the next hearing date and the court was dismissed. The reporters were very kind and we were able to refuse or agree to make a statement. We had no plans to say anything but they asked about Tonia and our feelings about the plea and we started talking. We both were able to talk about God and our faith. We also shared some stories about Tonia. After the media was finished we waited for Lynn to talk to them and we left the courtroom.

We all debriefed back in the prosecutor’s office and then Rick and I headed home. It still feels very surreal. I think it will take a few days to get it through my heart.

I will post more in the next few days!  Thank you God for your peace and strength!

I will update these links as I find them!

Links to News:

WKBN.Com

WTOV9.com

Morning Journal News

30 months 13 days after Tonia’s death; legal journey almost over

This morning at 10:00 am Rick and I sat in a courtroom in Lisbon, Ohio. JC pleaded guilty to all counts of killing Tonia. The state agreed to accept a reduced plea of voluntary manslaughter with a weapons specification. He also pleaded guilty to the charges of possessing firearms and pipe bombs. After 30 months of phone calls, paperwork, delays and the emotional roller coaster we can know move on with our plans to remember Tonia by setting up the memorial foundation and we can allow the healing to continue uninterrupted by the legal stuff.

We are satisfied with the terms. All along we were concerned that JC would be found not guilty due to all the ups and downs in the case. This way he will serve 8 years with no chance of early release plus be on post release supervision for 5 years. He also will have two felony convictions on his record which means he will never be able to own, operate or live in the same house as any type of gun! This was important to me. We do not want him to be able to hurt another woman.

Hearing him say the words, I’m guilty, found me breaking down into tears. On the way to the court Rick and I agreed that it felt like we were going to Tonia’s funeral all over again. The emotions were just as strong and it hurt just as much. I am satisfied that this part of our journey  will be finished. The sentencing will take place on March 5, 2010. We will be there to see this through until the end.

I will write more later after I have the opportunity to process everything that has happened!

Thank you!

Columbiana County Man Pleads Guilty To Killing Wife

WTOV9.com

A Columbiana County man pleaded guilty Thursday to two counts in connection with killing his wife.J.C. Amato pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of voluntary manslaughter with a firearms specification. Investigators said he killed his wife, Tonia Amato, on July 1, 2007, inside their Wellsville home. He was originally charged with murder in February 2008.Amato also pleaded guilty to one count of a possession of a dangerous ordinance. Officials said that charge had to do with Amato having bomb-making materials and firearms at his parents’ house.As part of the plea agreement, the defense and prosecution are recommending Amato serve a total of eight years in prison. One stipulation of the plea deal was that Amato begin serving time immediately.Court documents previously disclosed that J.C. Amato told police he did shoot his wife at their home, but he said it was in self-defense.A Wellsville police officer said J.C. Amato told him “his wife tried to shoot him with a .22-caliber handgun that belonged to him.” J.C. Amato then stated he returned fire and shot her between the eyes with a separate handgun.Amato was initially scheduled to head to trial on Aug. 18, 2009, but his defense attorneys filed several motions and Special Prosecutor Lynn Grimshaw requested a continuance.A judge ordered a pre-sentencing investigation and a deposition is scheduled for March 5.While Amato was for the most part emotionless as he faced the just, the victim’s family was in tears but said they were relieved the case is nearly over.”It’s time for it to be over. It’s been a very long 30 months. It’s been delay after delay and one issue after another,” said Cathy Brundage, Tonia Amato’s mother.The prosecutor in Columbiana County recused himself from the case because of his relationship to J.C. Amato’s father.

Waiting on decisions

This will be a short update tonight as we are still waiting on some decisions to be made. We should know more by tomorrow mrning but it looks like the trial will be postponed once again. We are waiting on confirmation after phone calls go back and forth between all of the attorneys and the judge.

I have never been a good at waiting but God has reminded me again and again that he is right by my side and that His strength is mine.

So tonight I will have a long talk with Rick and then another long talk with God before my head hits the pillow.

Love and hugs to everyone!

to be added to later…

I will complete this blog on Monday evening when I have definite news I am able to share. For right now I need your prayers for several things:

Please pray for Lynn as he prepares to make decisions and he continues to communicate with us. This man is a gift sent to us from God. He is a just and godly man who I trust and I can even call my friend. He has a job that God has called him to do, which I would not want. Please pray for wisdom and peace for him.

Please pray for Rick, Sean and I as we wait for news. Please pray for peace and calmness and God’s strength.

Please pray for our families as they wait to hear from us.

I want to share something that I have been writing this morning. It won’t be complete today but a work in process. It is long and it is from the depths of my heart. Thank you for your love and prayers!

Isaiah 43

¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

I picked up the book “The Shack” and reread chapter 11, “Here Comes Da Judge”.  It is one of my favorite chapters in the book. The comments in the parentheses are mine!

The first question asked is: which of your children do you love the most?  My response as well as Mack’s response is “I love my children equally but in a unique way with each of them”.

The next question that struck me was, When they don’t behave or they make choices other than those you want them to make then does that affect your love of them? Mack’s response was “It doesn’t really, I admit that it affects me BUT  THEY ARE  STILL  MY  CHILDREN!”(Amen, they are unique and each adds something to my life that is just between us. No more, no less, just unique!)

Mack then admits that he does not love others in that same way. He is told that he has made the start to learn how to love like God and that he didn’t get to where he is on his own and that it would be with God’s help that he would change and grow in his ability to love others.

He is then told that he has been given the chance to be the judge and that he will be judging God and the entire human race. Mack protests that he doesn’t know how to judge and that he doesn’t want to. He is reminded of the times he has judged others on their actions and their motivations, even on the color of their skin, their body odor and their body language. He becomes ashamed of himself.  (I am also reminded of the times I have judged others by commenting on their shortcomings.)

Then Mack is asked this: “Surely there are many people in your world you think deserve judgment. There must be at least a few who are to blame for so much of the pain and suffering….What about the men who beat their wives? What about the fathers who beat their children?  (What about the mothers who emotionally abandon their children?) Don’t they deserve judgment? What about the man who preys upon young children? What about him? IS he guilty?”

Mack screams: Yes! Damn him to hell!

He is asked: “Is he to blame for your loss?”

Yes!

What about his father, the man who twisted his son into a terror, what about him?

Yes! Him too!

How far do we go back? The legacy of brokenness goes all the way back to Adam – what about him? Why stop there? What about God? Is God to blame? Isn’t this where you are stuck? Isn’t this what fuels the great sadness? That God cannot be trusted? Surely a father like you can judge The Father! Isn’t that your just complaint? That God failed you and that he failed your daughter? Isn’t God to blame? (I have been there and back again. It is not a journey that I have completed yet but I grow in my understanding and acceptance daily).

Mack: Yes! God is to blame!

Then if you are able to judge God so easily then you can judge the world! You must choose 2 of your children to spend eternity with God, but only 2. And you must choose three of your children to spend eternity in hell! I am asking you to do something that you believe God does. He knows EVERY person ever conceived, and he knows them much more deeply and clearly than you will ever know your own children. He loves EACH one according to his knowledge of the being of that son or daughter. You believe he will condemn most to an eternity of torment away from his presence and apart from his love. Is that not true?

I suppose I do. I’ve just never thought about it like this. I just assumed that somehow God could do that. Talking about hell was always sort of an abstract conversation…Not about anyone I truly cared about.

So you suppose that God can do this easily but you cannot? Which of your three children will you sentence to hell? You are the judge and you must choose.

I don’t want to be the judge. How could God ask me to choose among his own children? There was no way he could sentence his daughter or any of his children to an eternity in hell just because they had sinned against him! Even if one of them had committed some heinous crime against him he still wouldn’t do it! He couldn’t! For him, it wasn’t about their performance; it was about his love for them. (Love doesn’t stop  when a sin or a crime is committed!) I can’t do this.

You must!

I can’t do this!

You must.

I …will… not…do…this! Mack yelled.

You must.

I can’t! I can’t! I won’t!   He finally pleads, Could I go instead? If you need someone to torture for eternity, I’ll go in there place. Would that work? Could I do that? Begging he falls to his knees. Please let me go for my children. Please I would be happy to… Please I am begging you. Please….Please…(If I could take the punishment for my children, if I could take the hurt and the pain, I would, if I could have taken the bullet, I would!)

Mack you have judged well. Now you sound like Jesus. I am so proud of you.

But I haven’t judged anything.

But you have. You have judged them worthy of love, even if it costs you everything!

(I would die so they could live, I would cut my heart out to keep them from hurt. Jesus did this for me! For you. For EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH).

But the conversation doesn’t end there!! Mack still is angry and he has more questions.

God didn’t stop it!

No, God doesn’t stop a lot of things that cause pain. Your world is severely broken. You demand your independence and now you are angry with the one who gave it to you! Nothing is as it should be, as Papa desires it to be and as it WILL BE one day. Right now your world is lost in darkness and in chaos and horrible things happen to those that God is especially fond of.

Then why doesn’t God do something about it?

God already has…

You mean what Jesus did?

How could God…..

For Love…God chose the way of the cross, where mercy triumphs over justice because of love. Would you prefer that God chose justice for everyone? Do you want justice? (I deserve justice. I am a sinner. But I don’t want justice. Please grant me mercy and compassion).

No I don’t. Not for me and not for my children. But I still don’t understand why Missy (my daughter) had to die.

She didn’t have to. God has never needed evil to accomplish good purposes. It is humans who have embraced evil and God who has responded with goodness. What happened to Missy was evil and no one in your world is immune to it.

But it hurts so much. (My heart has been torn apart and bleeding from the wounds). There must be a better way.

There is. You just can’t see it now. Return from your independence. Give up being the judge and know God for who he truly is. Then you will be able to embrace God’s love in the midst of your pain, instead of pushing it away with your self-centered belief of how you think the universe should be. Papa has crawled inside of your world to be with you, to be with Missy.

I don’t want to be the judge anymore. I really do want to trust God. But I’ll need help.

My final thought for today: God came into this world to walk with me during the darkest times. He chose to be my father and allowed me to accept him or not. I made my choice. I chose God. This allows me to trust. Trust that he is in control. Trust that he is smarter than I am. Trust that HE IS LOVE! I am not. I want to love like God loves. I want to love the world. I want to hug the world. I want to be able to love JC, Dr. Amato, James Hartford, Chris Amato, Nick Amato. I am not there yet but I really do want to trust God even with this. But I’ll need help. What I understand is that I am not alone. God has “crawled into the world to be with me!” I will never walk alone, he carries me!

Until Monday! I love you!

The Next Steps: Legally and Emotionally

Okay, I have had my mini meltdown and had a good cry! I have gotten frustrated with the situation and yelled at God to give me answers. I called a woman I love and respect dearly today and she gave me a verse to hold onto:

Proverbs 3: 5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

She reminded me that although I can’t see the purpose for everything God has a plan and a purpose for all of these circumstances. I trust God, always, completely and with all of my heart. So I have a choice continue to be frustrated and upset or once again let it all go. I wish I could learn this lesson and not put myself through this anxiety every time the legal system pulls another punch! One day I will be more like God and less like a frail imperfect human being.

The legal twists as of today: Friday, January 8 is the pretrial hearing in front of the judge. This is the time where last minute issues are brought up or any new motions. Then on Wednesday, January 13 the judge will rule on any motions outstanding. The jury selection is due to start on Tuesday, January 19.  But in the meantime, phone calls and paperwork and last minutes changes are going on behind the scenes.

So we wait: with prayers for God’s will, for a calm spirit, for wisdom to see some of the pieces of the puzzle and for strength. God has everything under control. I am glad I don’t because it is a heavy job.

I will be trying to update my blog as soon as we know anything!

Prayers and Hugs!

2010!

Happy New year! As 2010 starts I will admit that I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and anxious. I truly expected that our legal journey would be over instead we enter 2010 with the uncertainty if the future before us. Most of the time I am strong and I can deal with trusting God and waiting but then my very vulnerable human flaws appear. Right now I am feeling very anxious as we wait. The combination of the holidays and the not knowing what may happen this month have proven to be a tough combination. This Friday is the next pre-trial hearing but who know what will happen even before that. There have been several motions filed recently and the judge still has to answer some of them. Lynn filed a motion to have Chris Amato removed as one of the attorneys for JC. Lynn can ask him to be a witness to the fire that started on July 2, 2007 since he was present at the time. Since he may be a witness he can’t be one of the attorneys. There has also been motions to have the evidence reviewed yet again. JC has also been allowed to leave jail in under to visit a psychiatrist. What the defense has planned with that info is unknown as of now. The information that I see leads me to believe that the court date will be postponed again. Today, right now, I don’t know how much more I can take. Every time we get close to a trial date I begin to prepare myself mentally and emotionally. I have to prepare my heart for what we will hear and I have to barricade my emotions from the reactions of the other people around us. My prayers become very much like groaning from the Holy Spirit. God I have no words to describe the struggle going on but you understand my needs. Lift me up and surround me with your peace and calmness. Give me your grace as I move through each day waiting for the unknown. May your light penetrate my heart so I may know joy in the blessings you give to me each day. My soul is in torment, ease the pain as only you can. God use me to bring comfort to those around me as you comfort me. God give us your wisdom to accept the things we cannot change. My spirit is totally leaning on you. I am yours.

2010: What will it bring and how can God use me to reach out to others. I lay down my will and surrender to my God who cares about me and knows every breath and emotion that I am feeling.

Thank you for being on this journey with us. Your prayers and love help me to see Gods love and hope in action. May 2010 bring you joy and peace and hope in the knowledge of God’s love!

More legal stuff!

Prosecutor holds his ground on Amato bullet motion

LISBON – Defense attorneys for Jack “J.C.” Amato Jr. have been focusing their attention on a certain bullet held in evidence in his wife Tonia’s murder as both sides continue preparing for trial next month.

Amato is scheduled to face a jury on Jan. 19 for charges of murder and having weapons under disability in the July 1, 2007 shooting death of his wife at their home at 1200 Commerce St., Wellsville. He claimed he shot her in self-defense after she fired a gun at him.

He also is set to face trial Feb. 9 for another count of having weapons under disability and a single count of possession of a dangerous ordnance for allegedly having guns and explosives in the room where he was staying at his father’s Irondale residence while out of jail on a bond.

He was first charged in February 2008 for the murder, but had been released from jail on a $100,000 cash or surety bond with a requirement that he stay at his father’s residence under house arrest while awaiting trial. He ended up in jail in September 2008 after investigators looking for weapons related to the murder found the guns and explosives in his room.

He has remained in jail since then under the bond for those weapon charges. A status hearing for both cases remains set for 3 p.m. Jan. 8.

In the latest motion filed Dec. 16, defense attorney Charles Amato asked Judge C. Ashley Pike of Common Pleas Court for permission to have a photographer use a high resolution camera to photograph the bullet in question in the case. The motion also requested permission for C. Rodney James to “weigh the alleged bullet, examine the remaining five cartridges and spent shell recovered from the alleged murder weapon.”

Lynn Grimshaw, the special prosecutor from Wheelersburg assigned to handle the case, responded to the motion Monday, saying he had no objection to someone photographing, weighing or visually looking at any evidence, but he did object to anyone performing what he called scientific tests on any of the evidence until he was convinced the person was qualified.

Grimshaw said if that is the case, he wants a more specific motion from the defense, along with the qualifications for James to conduct the tests.

He previously balked at James’ qualifications earlier this month when the defense asked for him to be permitted to take samples of alleged red particles from the tip of a certain projectile and for access to a cardboard box for lead residue testing. The judge allowed the sampling and the lead residue testing.

At the forefront of the investigation and evidence has been a bullet recovered in a box of Sweet’N Low on a shelf in the kitchen at the Amato residence in Wellsville where the shooting occurred, which according to previous documents was a bullet containing the alleged DNA of the victim.

Last week, 37 subpoenas were issued for service on witnesses in preparation for the trial which has been delayed a number of times since the indictment was first issued.

If convicted, J.C. Amato could face 15 years to life in prison for the murder charge.