These are links to several of the stories. God was shining! If you can’t find the story search for: JC Amato.
God is good. Today we felt God’s presence while we were in court. This morning as we prepared for court I was over the anxiety and the only thing left was my anger for the defense motions. I had calmed down since last night but I was still upset that we were walking into a situation that we didn’t have a clue to what was going to happen. So once again we had to turn it all over to God and trust that He knew what was going to happen. The prayers of everyone surrounded us as we drove to Lisbon. We arrived at the courthouse and Rick and I were amazed at some of the things we both noticed. The guard on duty who watched us go through the metal detector without even asking our names acknowledged that he understood that it was going to be a tough day. We didn’t even know his name. We went up to the prosecutor office and before we could press the bell to get in the secretary buzzed us in and took us back to the library to meet with Lynn.
Lynn talked with us for a few moments and then said he needed to finish his rebuttal to the motion that Hartford had filed. So we just waited and went over our notes for our statements. Rick got coffee and we waited. I received a text message from my dad when they arrived at the courthouse. Tammy, the assistant prosecutor, came in to let Lynn know that her case was over and to say hello to us. Lynn left to head into the courtroom and told us to wait for about 10 more minutes. Pastor Jeff called and said that he had arrived at the courthouse. I was so glad that we had asked him to be with us. Tammy & Kerry escorted us down to the second floor waiting room until it was time to go in.
Now comes the hard part. JC is already there when we come in. The news cameras are set up and we are escorted to the first row. The three ladies from Columbiana County Victims of Homicide support group were there. My family was there. So many more that it just didn’t register.
“All rise for the Honorable C. Ashley Pike” and it began. The judge read the case numbers and asked Lynn if he wanted to start. Lynn went over the decision process he went through from last July until January. He described the meetings and the final joint decision to agree on an 8 year sentence. He made a point to say that we were in the courtroom and wished to make a statement. He addressed the different points in the defense motion and gave the state’s version of the details. He talked about the discrepancy in the time of death. He talked about the discrepancy about the gun found in Tonia’s hand. He challenged the expert witnesses that Hartford quoted. He closed by stating that in the county he is from that a handshake between two gentleman was a binding agreement. He addressed the judge saying that he was standing by the agreement but that he understood it was ultimately up to the judge.
Then it was Hartford’s turn. He defended his actions in the motion as just his way of preparing a pre-sentencing brief. He tried to sit down when the judge started questioning him. Hartford defended his evidence and his witnesses and then stated that of course it was up to the judge and that he was just trying to be helpful. The judge asked him if he would have been upset if Lynn had filed a motion asking for a tougher sentence? Hartford said no and sat down.
Now it was our turn. The judge asked Lynn to escort us over to the podium. We introduced ourselves and Rick went first.
Your Honor, thank you for this opportunity to address the court. I would like to publically thank Mr. Grimshaw. He has been a gift from God to us during these last 32 months. His compassion and understanding has allowed us to grasp the needed details of the legal proceedings. Thank you and God Bless you Mr. Grimshaw!
But, my intent was to talk about Tonia. It is difficult to put a life into perspective in such a short amount of time. The Lord brought Tonia into our lives for many reasons; many of which we will never know. Tonia was not a perfect person, but she was truly loved. Tonia loved. She loved animals, she loved people and most of all, she loved music. Tonia brought a light and a song into our lives that can never be extinguished.
When she was a little girl, Tonia would sing and dance everywhere. We were blessed to see her forever dancing and singing down the hall or along a path in the woods and in countless other areas. Her smile was contagious. Her giggle, infectious.
We saw Tonia through many challenges in her life. Physical challenges early in life, emotional hurts throughout her life. Yet through it all, Tonia maintained her spark. In the midst of the challenges, it never ceased to amaze us how she would find it in her heart to help others. Whether it was helping to clean someone’s house who was unable to do so, or picking up a stray animal to nurture, Tonia loved to help. She brought a light into many lives.
Although Tonia has been taken from us here, we are continually encouraged by the understanding that it is a temporary separation. We will see Tonia again when we go to be with The Lord, as she was when we knew her here. God is sovereign. Nothing happens without His knowing. While Tonia’s time here with us is over, far too soon in our estimation, His Word tells us that we will meet again. Tonia was not just another statistic in the papers, killed in anger by a lost and desperate soul, she was a loving, caring, beautiful woman. She continues to be dearly missed by many. The world is darker without her light and song.
I am so proud of him. He was so articulate and passionate.
Then it was my turn. I had been shaking but as I started speaking an incredible peace came over me. Rick told me later that he could feel God’s peace wash over me. I was relaxed and my voice could be heard. Amazing.
Your honor,
Who was our daughter, Tonia? Tonia had a heart so big that is almost couldn’t be contained in her body. She loved people and animals. She always had animals around her; strays that she would pick up and care for, ones that she adopted from a shelter and ones that friends would have her take care of. Even more than animals she loved people. One story that keeps coming to mind happened when she was in high school. One of our neighbors received a diagnosis that traumatized her. She would end up in a wheelchair and depending upon others for her daily needs. When she started to become dependent Tonia was the only one she would allow to come over and help her. Tonia would clean her house, wash her clothes and take care of her. This went on for months until our neighbor became comfortable with allowing other people to help her. She once told me that she knew that Tonia would take care of her and that she wouldn’t treat her any differently. That was Tonia.
Tonia loved to care for others. She took care of her mother-in-law, Barb Amato when she needed help. She took her to the doctor, to the emergency room and to the store. She would help Barb with her medications and she helped her cope after Marcus’ death. Tonia would buy groceries for her neighbors and take them to their appointments. She loved to help everyone in her life. She could not hurt anyone or anything, even a spider. When she was at camp one summer, she went from tent to tent gathering up all of the spiders and releasing them so that they would not be killed.
Tonia loved the holidays. She wanted to start singing Christmas carols in July because she loved Christmas so much. Christmas time was always tremendous because Tonia was there. I also remember her telling me about her excitement for her first Christmas together with JC. Now, Christmas has lost one of the lights in our house. We try to replace that with the ornaments she loved, but nothing can ever replace the light of her smile and giggles Christmas morning.
When JC killed Tonia, so many people lost: they lost a friend, a granddaughter, and a niece. We lost our daughter. Our son, Sean, lost his only sister. He will never hear Tonia’s children calling him Uncle Sean. I will never get a phone call saying. “Mom I’m pregnant, you are going to be a grandmother!” We will never get to hold her children in our arms. I will never get to throw a baby shower for her.
The fact is that Tonia is the winner in this situation. She is spending eternity basking in God’s love while we continue to live here trying to do our best to love others as God loves us. JC she has won and you have lost. You lost a woman who loved you and defended you and did everything she could to get you some help. You lost your biggest fan. You lost your wife and now you are losing the life you once knew. You made a vow to protect her and to love her when you were married and you broke that vow. She trusted you.
I do know several other things about Tonia. Just five days before her death, Tonia called me at home. Her voice was filled with excitement as she shared with me how she had downloaded several messages of Pastor Jeff’s. They had given her so much joy. His series on “The Truth about Heaven” had given her a reason to question her salvation. She talked about witnessing to JC, looking for a home church, and calling me were all parts of her decision to accept God’s gift of mercy, forgiveness and ultimately salvation. She continued the conversation with these precious words – words that I had longed to hear for years, “Mom, I’ve never felt this close to God in my life.
JC, she was praying for you. She wanted to share her excitement and her new found faith with you. She talked about how she and Tracy could go and look for a church together and that maybe you would come with them. That was who she was, a woman who cared so much about others and wanted to take care of them.
I wrote this on July 17, 2007, just days after Tonia’s funeral and I want to read it to you now.
JC,
Tonight as I write this letter my heart is breaking wide open, both, for missing my beautiful daughter, Tonia, but also for you. I have no idea what happened on July 1st and I may have to wait until I get to Heaven to get this question answered. But I do know that Tonia loved you and we welcomed you into our family. I don’t understand what happened between you, or how she can be dead, but I do know that she is in Heaven right now. We are praying for you! I am struggling with the confusion I am feeling but I know you are probably dealing with even more conflicting emotions. The pictures I see are the pictures of your wedding and the last Christmas here at our home and the phone conversation I had with Tonia when she asked me to pray for you.
I can only imagine the pictures you are carrying around in your head. May God come into your heart and free you from that pain!
JC, tonight I can only say that no matter what happened on July 1st, we will continue to pray for you. Tonia would have wanted that. Pixie, her puppy, is living here with us and she is bringing some joy and a little bit of healing into our lives. God has been lifting us up and surrounding us with His peace and calmness.
This letter is just as true today as it was on July 17, 2007. I don’t know what has happened to you but you have made some very bad choices in your life. Two choices have had severe consequences; your actions with your first wife, Tara and then with killing Tonia. I pray that over the next eight years you take the time to listen to God. It is only through his help that you might be able to get out of jail and find a way to live an honorable life.
The other thing I know for a fact is that we have forgiven you. That doesn’t mean that my heart has not been torn wide open with the loss of Tonia. I will miss her every day until I see her again in Heaven.
I bought a bible for you over a year ago but I couldn’t figure out a way to get it to you. I have it with me today. I prayed for a long time about this decision but I want to give it to you now. (I handed the bible to the bailiff, Linda). I hope you accept it in the spirit it is being given to you. My heart will always have a deep pain because of the loss of Tonia but my gift from God is one of hope. My way of honoring her memory, her hope and her love for you is to give you this bible.
Your honor, I thank you for allowing me the time to read this.
We were done. I was crying so hard and I was shaking. Pastor Jeff grabbed my hand and whispered that it was fantastic. It was a sweet moment. And then…. the judge begins speaking. He asks if JC wants to make a statement. JC nods his head yes and he is escorted to the podium by James Hartford. He was in his orange prison suit and he was in shackles. He asked the judge if he could address us and the judge allowed it. JC said “I lost my best friend; I lost my wife. … I know ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t even begin… There was no hate in my heart when that happened. It was a total reflex. If I could take it back, I would. Thank you for your forgiveness.” He said that he had nothing further to add.
What a heart wrenching moment. JC said he was sorry, that was huge to us. I still don’t like the fact that he insists that Tonia shot at him first! NO WAY that happened. But I will accept the fact that he is feeling repentant.
The judge then talked about the legal system and the how a sentence is decided. Then the words that gave us such a sense of relief were spoken…. you are sentenced to 3 years on the weapons specification, five years for the voluntary manslaughter charge and you will be held to a 5 year post release supervision!
It is finished! No more delays, no appeals, no early release possibility. JC will be in jail until January 14, 2018.
We were then given the opportunity to escape to the prosecutor’s library so I could pull myself together. Pastor Jeff prayed for us and told us how proud he was of us. What a wonderful thing to hear from someone we love and respect. After a few more interviews with the media and we were able to leave the courthouse.
Just before we left the office I got to see and hug a true hero. Former Wellsville police officer Mike Garber, who has been serving in Iraq, showed up in the prosecutor’s office. Mike Garbor was one of the first officer’s on the scene. But the more important thing to me was the fact that Mike was one of the officer’s who drove to our home to interview me. He came to our home so that I would not have to go to the station. He was gracious and kind under a horrible set of circumstances. This experience absolutely shook me up but he made it so much better than it could have been. I was able to hug him and thank him for that day and for the service he is providing to America. God Bless you Mike Garber. You will be in our prayers!
The most thoughtful thing happened as we left the courthouse. I had mentioned in passing that I wanted to stop and buy a ginger-ale for my stomach. Rick and I even laughed about it and he told me we could stop at the same gas station that we had stopped at before. When we got to our car there were three bottles of ginger-ale waiting for us on the roof of the car! An angel heard me and took the time to buy them, find our car and leave them for us. Whoever you are, this was such a blessing. It was the beautiful ending to this event. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
God hears prayers! Thank you for being a part of our journey. This chapter is over and now we can turn the page and see where God wants to take us. God is truly good! FROG!
God is so good. We are home from a very emotional day in court. The last 24 hours have been full of ups and downs. Let me try to get this all written down. On Wednesday evening I was checking the court website to make sure that nothing had been changed for the scheduled sentencing today. I saw a memorandum from defense Attorney James Hartford. It stated that he had filed a sentencing memorandum with exhibits. My radar went on high alert but it was too late to call the prosecutor. Yesterday I got off at 12:00. My plan was to go to the store, stop at the florist to pick up flowers and visit the cemetery. But first thing I wanted to do was to call Lynn Grimshaw, the prosecutor, about the memo I saw. He was so upset. He told me that there was a 1o page memorandum with 50 pages of evidence and that Hartford was asking the judge to consider a sentence of community release, essentially parole. I was so mad that I could barely speak. Lynn and I talked about possibilities and he said that he was going to be in court early in the morning to prepare his rebuttal. I started making phone calls; to vent, to ask for prayers, to get some support and advice. How was I supposed to handle this? I called Rick first. We talked shortly and decided that we needed to figure this out together when he got home that evening. He encouraged me to go to the cemetery and to try and get some more information. I stopped and picked up my traditional purple carnations and went to the cemetery. But I forgot my boots! How goofy was that. But I slogged through the snow and put out the flowers and the stone with a candle that I had purchased. It was a sweet time.
I made some calls and headed home.
Here is the newspaper article:
Amato defense ‘suggests’ lighter sentence on manslaughter charge
LISBON — Jack “J.C.” Amato Jr.’s attorney filed paperwork Wednesday suggesting community control could be granted for the voluntary manslaughter charge against his client based on the evidence, even though the plea deal calls for five years in prison. “I just want the court to understand that they’re not bound by that joint recommendation,” James Hartford said when contacted by phone. Amato, 38, will face sentencing Friday for causing the death of his wife, Tonia, at their Wellsville residence on July 1, 2007. He told investigators he shot her in self-defense with a .45-caliber handgun after she fired a shot at him with a .22-caliber handgun during an argument. He was originally indicted for murder, which could have meant a sentence of 15 years to life, but pleaded guilty in January to the reduced charge of voluntary manslaughter, along with a gun specification. As part of the stipulated deal, both the prosecution and defense will recommend five years for the manslaughter and a mandatory three years for using a gun for a total of eight years. Judge C. Ashley Pike of Columbiana County Common Pleas Court must sentence him to the mandatory three years for the gun specification and can consider a sentence of up to 10 years for the manslaughter, which means the maximum Amato could face would be 13 years. A third-degree felony charge of having weapons under disability related to alleged chronic alcoholism will be dismissed. The prosecution will recommend credit for time served for a separate weapons indictment from September 2008. Hartford said the defense team will stand by the recommendation, but they’re asking the court to consider the sentencing memorandum and the mitigating material they’ve laid out for him. The 10-page document with 50 pages of defendant’s exhibits attached outlined what the defense claimed the evidence would have shown and openly criticized the investigation by referring to a “hopelessly compromised crime scene” which had as many 26 different people crossing through it over two days. The document also claimed physical evidence was photographed but left at the scene on the day of the shooting. The bullet investigators claimed killed the victim didn’t match the gun handed over by the defendant, leaving some questions. According to the memorandum, the evidence indicated “the victim acted in inducing the offense” and “Mr. Amato was acting under strong provocation.” They also claimed there were grounds to mitigate his actions, although the grounds may not have been enough for total self-defense to the voluntary manslaughter charge. In a recitation of the facts of the case, the memorandum said the victim was found face down with a small semi-automatic pistol resting under her right hand with the hammer back and her finger touching the trigger. In her left hand was a Bursamatic propane torch. Gunshot residue was found on her right hand. A .22-caliber bullet casing was found near the victim which investigators determined was fired from the gun in her hand. Hartford pointed out that Amato said from the beginning that he shot his wife in self-defense. A world-renowned shooter by the name of John G. Sayle penned a letter to Pike dated March 1 which was attached to the memorandum explaining that Amato was trained in defensive pistol shooting and capable of shooting someone in the head in seconds in a life-threatening situation. He described it as a “reflexive reaction.” Hartford said some of those factors supported the argument that Amato’s conduct was less serious than the conduct normally constituting the offense of voluntary manslaughter, opening the door for community control. He also said the pre-sentence investigation shows he led a law-abiding life up until the shooting. “The factors in this very difficult matter for both sides lend support for a measure of leniency in the treatment of Mr. Amato by this Honorable Court,” Hartford wrote. Mary Ann Greier can be reached at mgreier@salemnews.net
Rick and I talked about our statements and made some decisions about what we would say if asked. It was the end of a long day!
It has been 31 months since Tonia died. It doesn’t seem possible that so much time, or so little time has passed. Our lives have changed in so many ways that looking back almost feels as if I am looking at another lifetime. An alternate reality.
I feel as if I am finally ready to face the sweet memories. I think before I had put up a wall in order to protect my heart from the details of a possible trial. It hurt to look at any photos of Tonia. I did look at them but they hurt my heart as well as comforted me. I am not sure how both emotions could happen at once but they did. Now I can look at these pictures with a smile and remember….
We call this picture Tonia and the look. She was practicing for her time as a teenager! Only a few years later at 2 1/2 years old, she locked herself in her bedroom. When I asked her why she said, with her hands on her hips, “Mother I need my privacy”!
Tonia was my flower girl when Rick and I were married. This is one of my favorite pictures. She was so cute and sweet. Dancing around everywhere. The excitement was almost overwhelming.
Tonia at the Indiana Dunes State Park with her Great grandmother, Baba.
Sean & Tonia loved to spend time on their Grandfather’s boat. Co-captains for the day!
God has helped me to heal so much over the last few weeks. The bad dreams are almost gone. The mornings when I wake up crying have completely gone away. Instead I have been left with such a peaceful feeling of hope for the future. I know that I will still feel thepain of not having Tonia here with us and I will have times that I cry but I also have a warmth and a cuddly feeling from remembering. This is such a gift. I am putting together a book of memories and pictures. Those funny little stories that remind me of the many different moods of Tonia are priceless. If you have any stories that you want to share please let me know. I want Sean to be able to share them with his children one day so they can know who their Aunt Tonia was. This will be a gift to hold on to during those times when my grief stabs me in the heart unexpectedly. I know I will always have those moments. They are a part of me forever. This is just one of the ways that I have been changed.
There are so many other changes. My love for the two men in my life has deepened even more after witnessing their strength and love. Sean has grown and matured into such a Godly man. He is being molded by God for a future that is just now starting to unfold. His heart has become so tender and so open to others. I am so proud of him! Rick has always been my shelter in a storm. God has given him such a quiet strength and a calmness of spirit. Our marriage has become strong and we have become closer since Tonia’s death. We have learned to communicate better even during the arguments that all couples have! There are times when we are talking that I see a look in his eyes that reminds me that he is hurting inside and that I might need to probe a little bit. Then we have the sweetest talks. We have struggled but we have come through this valley together, intact, better, wiser, and stronger because of our faith in God and our willingness to work at our marriage.
Memories: a heart-full of love that never goes away. They become sweeter with time! God bless!
A dear friend of mine wrote about her reactions to a chapter in a book she is reading. It was a great reminder to me.
Her comments: A grief giver is someone who, whether it be on purpose or unintentional, causes grief to someone else. A grief giver can be someone who has done something terrible to you and leaves you with a desire for vengeance. First of all, vengeance fixes your attention on life’s ugliest moments. Many times David could have taken Saul’s life but instead he said, “God put your life in my hands today, but I wasn’t willing to lift a finger against God’s anointed.”David portrayed a God saturated mind. Once again we think about the purveyors of pain in our own lives. It’s one thing to give grace to our friends, but to give grace to those who give us grief? Could you? Given a few uninterrupted moments with the Darth Vader of your days, could you imitate David? Perhaps you could. Some people seem graced with mercy glands. They secrete forgiveness never harboring grudges or reciting their hurts. Others of us (we are all guilty) at times find it hard to forgive our Saul’s. So many of us, have people who hurt us deeply, and there are times we feel urged to ’settle the score’ or hurt back. Score-settling freezes your stare at cruel events in your past. Is this where you want to look? Will rehearsing and reliving your hurts make you a better person? By no means, it will destroy you.
James MacDonald wrote in his blog: God does allow bad things to happen to good people. He doesn’t cause them, but He doesn’t prevent them either. The world is free and God doesn’t very often step in and alter the fact that the effects of sin are visiting themselves randomly upon the creation. So God lets trials happen to the Christian just like He lets them happen to the pagans so that the superiority of the life lived in God can be demonstrated through our lives. The majority of the world is choosing not to worship God, but a few of us, by God’s grace, can draw down upon God’s promised resources to get us through.
Why am I sharing these things with you? I have discovered that after the “high” of an event like last weekend I often find myself in the pits. When this happens I can unintentionally become a “grief giver” to those around me and also to myself. I second guess my responses and reactions. I get cranky and crabby. I don’t like myself very much at these times. So I have a choice to make: I can continue focusing inward or I can make a choice to turn my eyes to God. My joy can’t come from the things in my life or the emotions of the moment but only from the joy that I have from having God in my life. Greg Wright is a pastor in Hartville, TN and he preached a sermon on December 7, 2008 entitled “Fighting for Joy During the Holiday Season By Seeking, Believing, and Remembering Jesus”. Knowing God, truly knowing God is to know grace and mercy and love. The moment I accepted God into my life I received the gift of the Holy Spirit and the gift of Scripture. This is where I have to begin. My emotions are like a roller coaster, up and down and topsy turvy! I don’t like roller coasters! But I can choose to ride the roller coaster or I can choose to stay off of it. My emotions are a bit different. They happen. A song, a story, a movie and I turn into a crying mess or an out of control giggle monster! Or a weekend like last weekend touches my heart and my heart drops into despair at the events that have occured in my life. But my emotions Do Not define my beliefs and I need to hold onto my beliefs and make a choice about my response to my emotions. My beliefs are truth! The belief that God is a loving, compassionate Savior who understands my hurts and wants to comfort me. The belief that God is never changing. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The belief that Jesus died FOR Me. He gave me the gift of mercy. The belief that God can and will turn evil into something wonderful! This is where the Joy comes from. The belief that God is here with me, He loves me, He promises never to leave me or forsake me.
So I have a choice to be a Grief Giver or a Grace Giver, to others as well as to myself. A grace giver is first a grace receiver who has accepted the gift of grace from God. But then that grace is given away. It is amazing to me what happens next. Joy blooms in my heart and a light goes on inside of me. My emotions respond. A smile replaces the frown. My steps become lively and a song jumps out of my lips. God has taken up residence in my heart.
I choose God! Merry Christmas from all of us to you and your family! We love you!
I have been praying and thinking about the future recently. Pastor Matt gave me a CD with a talk by Wess Stafford who started Compassion International. His talk was titled “Leveraging Your Past”. Matt used this talk as part of his sermon this past weekend. He was talking about Joseph in the book of Genesis. The line from Genesis that always catches my heart is: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
How does God intend to turn Tonia’s death into good? I don’t have an exact answer to that but I do have some ideas. Tonia’s friend, Karla, is back in our lives and she is using her pain to sing and to talk about Tonia to others. This is a sweet relationship. Look for future details on a special event soon!! Other friends of Tonia have also reconnected with us: Wade, Daphne and Josh. We love each of them and they add so much to our lives.
I have also made some sweet new friends: Kathy, Nancy, Belinda, Joy and Julie among others. They have shared tears and laughs.
What I have been thinking about is how important friends and the support from others has been to me. I have kicked this idea around before and instead of it going away it continues to grow. The question I get asked the most is, “where does your strength come from” and then “how do you continue on after Tonia was murdered?”. God’s grace and His strength are the answers to both of these questions! Sharing our story, our frustrations and pain has also been a huge part of our healing.
Here is what I am thinking about: Healing Through God’s Grace: A support Group for those affected by Homicide, Suicide or other sudden traumatic deaths.
My thoughts so far:
What I would like this group to offer:
• direct support to those bereaved through homicide, suicide or other sudden traumatic deaths
• people who care, enabling you to meet with people who can understand your pain, to share your fears, to know that it is ok to cry and to realize that it is also ok to laugh; knowing that you won’t be judged by your actions
• healing & grace through a relationship with Jesus Christ and with other believers
• tools to enable you to forgive, when you are ready
• To raise public awareness about the effects of murder and manslaughter on families and friends through speaking, writing and seminars
What we will not offer:
• Professional counseling services but I would like to have a list of counselors available
• to Petition courts about stopping paroles from happening, there are others organizations that do this very well
• to Seek revenge, retaliation or punitive damages
Why am I writing about this now?
I would like to hear from anyone who has ideas, feedback, or suggestions.
Have you been in one of these positions? What helped? What did not help?
Where are you in your walk with God now? Has your relationship with God changed? How?
I am seeking guidance and wisdom for the future. My prayer is that God can use our loss to reach out to others in whatever way He chooses. For now I will continue to write in my journal and my blog, I will continue to reach out to others and I will continue to Praise God!
With much love and hugs!
This week God took two of his children home. Jessie, 22, died on Wednesday evening in an auto accident. She was a friend of Sean’s. They went to a dance together in High School and the pictures are so cute. They are so young in them. Jessie was walking her faith everyday Her friend Ashley wrote this note about her:
The life story of Jessie Brown as testified by my apartment
Jessie was staying in my apartment this summer, and I happened to be on my way to the apartment when I heard the news. I was the first one to see her stuff in my apartment, and what a testimony it was. Next to her bed lay two books: “The Secrets of the Lord” and C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity.” On her desk lay her prayer journal, a picture of her and her sister, and a picture of her mom. On the kitchen table lay the most recent taping of Calvary’s Sunday service, and the entertainment center was covered with worship CD’s. The thing that got me the most, was the verse she had written out in script and posted above the sink. It goes like this:
Job 1:21
Job responded: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised.”
Jessie knew what this life was about, and she knew her purpose for being here. This apartment is a testimony of that. She lived her life to the fullest, and knew how to prioritize. She always had time for school, time for God, time for Eric, and time for her friends. We’ll miss you, Jess. But your life reflected what God wanted. You accomplished your mission. We love you.
Our dear brother in Christ, Tom, died at 12:15 this morning on his 52nd birthday. Tom has been fighting cancer for years. His legacy will live on with everyone who knew him. His faith was like a shining beacon of hope. He was prepared to meet God but fought the good fight until the end. He told his wife that he wanted to take her to see Italy before he died and he said that at the beginning of this week! He was video taped for one of our services at church this past March. His words were about his faith in God and his desire to do His will. His wife, Patty, has been such a strong partner in his journey. Her courage and strength has been a gift from God. Every time I saw Tom and Patty or communicated with them over email they would always tell me they were praying for me! Even the midst of their fight they would reach out to others. Tom leaves a legacy with his son, Nate, his daughter, Tia, and his grandson, Thomas Michael. Tom, my brother, you will be missed but God welcomed you home by saying “Well done good and faithful servant”. Heaven is throwing a party!
Tom & Jessie, we will miss you. We will see you at the party in Heaven in time. We love you!
This past weekend Rick and I had the opportunity to lead a marriage retreat weekend called Family Fitness Retreats. This weekend was wonderful but so emotionally draining.
We were hosted by Ed & Annie Knotts who own a home on Darlington Lake. They host weddings, receptions, rehearsal dinners, graduation parties and have the bed and breakfast aspect also. It is a beautiful home and all of the couples felt so welcomed and loved.
The weekend was about making your marriage and your family more fit to serve God. It is a wonderful time to learn, to reflect both individually and as a couple and to set some new goals for the family. We were so honored to be asked to lead this group.
Marriages and families are under attack and anything that we can do to help the family to grow stronger and closer to God then it is worth our time and passion.
God has really held us up over the last two weekends but now I am crashing and I need to recharge my battery, Today I will reflax and work on pictures and listen to what God has taught us.
Thank you for your prayers!
As the first anniversary of Tonia’s death is approaching I have struggled with myself, my stage of grief and all kinds of emotions. I have learned that I need to be totally dependent upon God every moment of every day. But I have also learned that healing is also somewhat of a choice. I am not saying that I can wake up one day and say “ok today I am done grieving” what I am saying is that I CAN choose not to wallow in my grief, that I can look at other people in the world and see how God can use me to understand and maybe provide a listening ear. I will always miss Tonia and I know that I still have a long way to go with the pain I am feeling but I cannot shut down on life. I will hurt for a long time yet, especially with the trial happening in September. But what I can do is to understand that I want to heal, I want life to be full of the joy that God has given to me and I want to rejoice in everything and everyone that God brings into my life. Nothing can bring Tonia back here on Earth and I don’t want her to come back to the imperfect world we live in. I know that she is in Heaven and that one day I will hug her and sing with her again. No trial will bring her back or provide any sense of peace. Only accepting that I was blessed to have my girl for almost 26 years and that I will see her again will give me peace.
A friend told me recently that I can choose to stop living and allow my sorrow over Tonia’s death to define the rest of my life or I can look around and see a new path that God has planned for me. A path that honors God, a path that brings honor to my daughter’s memory. There is a song by Martina McBride, “In My Daughter’s Eyes”.
In My Daughters Eyes Lyrics
In my daughter’s eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong an’ wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter’s eyes.
In my daughter’s eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter’s eyes.
An’ when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realise what life is all about.
It’s hangin’ on when your heart has had enough;
It’s givin’ more when you feel like givin’ up.
I’ve seen the light: it’s in my daughter’s eyes.
In my daughter’s eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
An’ what will be.
An’ though she’ll grow an’, some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I’m gone, I hope you’ll see,
How happy she made me,
For I’ll be there, in my daughter’s eyes.
I don’t want to be my daughter’s hero, that position belongs to Jesus Christ, but one day when I meet her again in God’s presence I hope to hear God say “Well done good and faithful servant” and I would like to hear Tonia say, “Mom you loved me with how you lived the rest of your life. You loved everyone since I couldn’t. You looked into people’s eyes and saw the spark of God there. Mom I am so proud of you!”
Healing with God’s grace, mercy and His strength: I choose life. I choose to honor God and I give the rest of my life to serve His kingdom.
Today I miss Tonia and tomorrow I will miss Tonia; but in time the joy of my memories will be greater than the sorrow over losing her. Healing begins a moment at a time. A dear friend said you reach for the next rung of the ladder. Sometime you make the next rung and even the one after that but sometimes you fall back a rung. Our life’s journey is a batting average. My ladder is to allow Jesus Christ to mold me and use me in any way He wants as I strive to look more and more like Him.
With many hugs and prayers!
I wanted to share this link after hearing how the Chapman family are responding to losing Maria. They are grieving but their faith is in God and knowing that they will one day be reunited with their daughter. It is only through our faith in God and a saving relationship with Jesus Christ that we can all know for certain that we will be forever in eternity with our children and other loved ones. My prayers are with the Chapman family and with any family who has gone through the hardship of losing a loved one. No matter how we have lost a loved one, whether through an illness, an accident or through being killed by someone else we are all in need of hope and prayers. We hurt, we mourn, we cry when our arms are empty. God understands and shares our tears. But he also holds out hope for the future. To everyone who has lost anyone in your life: I share your pain, I lift you up in prayer. I pray that if you don’t know Jesus Christ as your savior that you would ask questions!
To the Chapman family: Prayers and love are all I can offer.
In memory of Maria, Jim Houser, Steven Curtis’ manager, set up a blog. Visitors can watch a video of her and Steven and send condolences to the family. Houser said, “Your prayers are needed for all in the Chapman family. This is a family who has so generously loved and given to so many. Just hours before, this close-knit family was celebrating the engagement of the oldest daughter, Emily Chapman, and were just hours away from a graduation party marking Caleb Chapman’s completion of high school. Now, they are preparing to bury a child who blew out five candles on a birthday cake less than 10 days ago. And yet we trust in a God who was not surprised by this, and because of Jesus I am certain through faith in Him we will see Maria again.”
The Chapmans request any gifts be directed to Shaohannah’s Hope in lieu of flowers.
