Posted by: kathyhugs | January 15, 2008

Asking Questions and Talking

I have been asked by a friend, who was concerned about “saying the wrong thing”, how she can support us and what not to do or say.

After thinking about it, here are my thoughts:
Don’t be afraid to ask questions, if I don’t want to answer I will tell you
Don’t “tip-toe” around me, I may cry but I won’t break and I won’t scream, but I may ask you to go away for the moment 🙂
Ask me if I want to talk about Tonia, most of the time the answer will be yes
Don’t tell me it was God’s will, I know that but hearing it from someone else hurts
Don’t tell me it was for the best, even if I believe that it doesn’t take the hurt away
Ask me if I want company on specific days (birthdays, anniversary of her death, the day the trial starts, etc) I may want company or I may want to be alone. I usually don’t know until I am asked!
Ask to see pictures or any memorabilia that I have, they have a very special place in my heart
Ask Rick about Rick and Sean, they are hurting and coping in very different ways and their silence doesn’t mean they don’t need your support.
Tell me that you are still remembering us in your prayers, they are our lifeline to God!

But the absolute best thing you can do is offer to give me a hug (I will take it)!

Understand that I will cry and I don’t know what will start me crying. It could be happy tears because of a song that the worship team is singing, joyful tears because I can feel God’s arms around me, or sad tears because a baby cried and it reminded me that Tonia was once my baby.

But it is okay for me to cry at times. Not crying just makes me cranky and causes a bunch of stress! You don’t want to see me cranky 🙂

Love me, pray for me and just be there. I love you!


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