Posted by: kathyhugs | February 11, 2008

Stories about Tonia

Well it was a rough weekend. I think my stomach was tied into huge knots as I processed everything that has happened recently. Rick and I were able to have a very quiet day yesterday. Resting, recharging and just being with each other. We needed this down time in order to stay connected and close. As we spent time together I couldn’t help getting very nostalgic. So today I want to write down some of the stories I have about Tonia.

Tonia’s friends from high school and her job have been wonderful. They have emailed and called and just said I loved Tonia and I will miss her so much. Thank you Amelia, Josh, Daphne, Wade and Karla among others. Just hearing from you has brought Tonia closer.

One of my favorite silly stories happened when Tonia was only four years old.
Christmas Eve 1985, we were living in our new home when we had a fun yet very, very early Christmas celebration. At about 4:30 in the morning, Tonia got up to use the bathroom. She was on her way back to her bedroom and as she was walking back down the hall the light was behind her. As she was almost to her bedroom door the light cast her shadow on the door in front of her. She became frightened and started to scream. Rick was out of bed and had Tonia in his arms before I even had my glasses on! We all cuddled together for awhile and then we all went back to bed. About 15 minutes later our dog, Sandy, starting a low growl and woof at the end of the stairs. Well that set us all on edge. Tonia and I huddled in her doorway as Rick went to check out what was wrong. We heard him go down the stairs and then come back up again. He was laughing and then said quietly, “do you know why Sandy was growling?” Tonia, with her eyes as huge as saucers, shook her head no. Rick then whispered “the dog was growling because Santa just came.” Tonia was out of my arms, around both of us and down the stairs before we even turned around. I found out later that Sandy had been growling at the Christmas tree lights reflecting on the window. We opened all of our gifts before 6:00 and we all took a Christmas nap on the couch! What a precious memory! Rick was always making us laugh. He is my best friend and the best daddy Tonia could ever have.

Rick officially became Tonia’s father at her adoption in June 1986. As we were in the judge’s chambers with our attorney, the judge asked Tonia this question, “Tonia, do you know why we are here today?” Without missing a beat, Tonia replied, “So you can make my daddy, my daddy!” After the laughter had died down, the judge said that he didn’t have any more questions after that answer! He brought Tonia around to his side of the desk, sat her on his knee and helped her to stamp all of her own adoption papers. It is one of my favorite moments. We were officially a family!

While we were living in Arizona, Tonia went to Small World preschool and daycare. I received a phone call one afternoon asking me to pick her up early, that they had a problem at the school. When I got there her teacher pulled me aside. Tonia had come up to the teacher on duty on the playground with one of her many baseball caps in her hand. “Look teacher at the pretty bugs!” She had baby black widow spiders in her hat! They evacuated the building and called an exterminator. Our first example of her love for all animals and even cute bugs!

After Tonia died I found this post she had written just days before her death:

Written 06-26-2007, 08:42 AM in response to a lady questioning her salvation:

Dear ******,
I have felt much the same way you do in that I often question if I am saved or not. Feeling this way has been one of many things I have been struggling with lately. Today after reading another post I decided to rededicate my life to our Lord! When I prayed instead of trying to list out every little thing I had done I asked His forgiveness on all my sins great and small admitting that there were too many to list out one by one I asked him to help me to lead a more Christ-like life and asked him to help me with the things I have been struggling with. I thanked God for His Son and thanked Jesus for the gift of his life on the cross for our sins. I asked him to watch over my family that is not saved and then gave my worries over to him since it is His will that will be done and not mine.

Don’t get me wrong I still plan to witness to them about Him and His love and plan for us His forgiveness etc. But I also know that other than witnessing to them and trying to live a better life and follow His teachings and prayer, only His will is what will happen. He knows before we do what our lives hold for us!
I will pray for your peace of mind, I pray that you will find the answers that you are looking for!

Always your friend,

Tonia and I had just made plans to get together every Wednesday and start stamping together. It would be our mom daughter night out. We never had the chance to follow through on this plan as she died just 5 days later. But I do have this beautiful gift from God that one day I will see her again. She is in Heaven, out of pain and out of this mess that has been left behind after her death. I miss her so much. I miss singing with her. I miss her bright smile lighting up the room.

Thank you God for the privilege of being her mom and having her with us for 25 years. Thank you for the gift of knowing that she is with you. Thank you for friends and family who walk this path with us.


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