Posted by: kathyhugs | February 16, 2008

Misc Thoughts

What is the world coming to? On Valentine’s Day a gunman opened fire on Northern Illinois University and killed 5 students before taking his own life. We have friends who have kids there and I haven’t heard from them yet. It makes the reality of sin and evil on this earth even more evident. God needs to be sweeping this nation with a revival but he allows us as mere humans to be the agents for creating that change. He is there waiting patiently and he is even knocking on our door but we have to ask him in.

Since JC’s arrest on February 9 I have been having bad dreams again. I had them after Tonia died but they eventually went away. I woke up crying on Thursday morning after some horrible dark dreams. It takes listening to praise music and reading my devotionals before the shadow lifts from my eyes. I need to start listening to praise music before I go to sleep, that is what worked last summer. I have to fill my mind with praises to our God in order to keep the dark thoughts and dreams from invading my sleep.

God is the light that penetrates to all corners of the earth and to my heart and mind but I have to allow him access. Thoughts of anger or revenge or even frustration can de-rail me. I have discovered how my basic fears and emotions can begin to take over if I let them. I do not have the strength on my own; I MUST rely on God and his strength. I MUST be totally dependent upon God and His mercy in order to continue to survive, heal and thrive. I become less as He becomes more inside my heart.

On Valentine’s Day we were playing Yahtzee and Rick found some score sheets with Tonia’s name on them. I have put them away in my basket of memories. She loved the game, when she was winning! She rolled full houses so many times that we were always amazed. It is when I find things like the score sheets that it becomes very real that she will never be here to play this game again. I can see her at the table rolling another full house and shrieking with glee. What a precious memory but what a bittersweet feeling. Our memories are so important. I have been trying to write down all of the stories from both Tonia and Sean’s childhood so I do not forget them.

A Lighter Note:
Yesterday Rick and I had the greatest time attending the Beaver County Christian School middle school basketball games. The kids were great! They love playing the game and we love watching and getting a chance to talk to all of their parents. Good job Peyton, Scott, Josh, Rebekah, Kate and Andre!

We then went to the church to see the radio production of “Murdering the Orient Express”. This was the radio version of the dinner theatre we saw last week. The students did such a great job and Paul is such a great writer. Getting out of the house and being with the students and their parents is the best remedy for the blues!


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