Posted by: kathyhugs | September 29, 2008


Well so much seems to happen at once: JC is arrested after a search warrant for at his father’s house turns up guns, pipe bombs and bomb parts. JC waives his preliminary hearing and the case is sent to the Columbiana County Grand Jury. If we weren’t right in the middle of this mess I would think that it is a dramatic, bad story line.

But God is in control! Even now God surprises me when he blesses me right in the middle of a tornado. My heart has been very much at peace in where we are right now. Healing has been a gift of grace from God and I know that we will survive and even thrive. Rick and I have learned how to communicate even more as husband and wife. Sean is learning to listen to God as he changes the plans for his future. Friends have become even closer as they have walked through this storm with us.

I know that my grief is not over and that I will have to re-live our daughter’s death at the trial; but for now, today, I will accept this feeling of calmness.

My journal has been my way to vent my anger, my questions and my doubts. I have also been able to write down everything that we have discovered about Tonia’s death as we learn about it. It gives me a way to hear the evidence but not think about it until I am ready. It gives me a measure of control, a buffer from reality. It is my way of coping.

I don’t know what the future holds; I still wonder how God is going to bring some good from our daughter’s death. I do know that God promises that what was meant for evil will be used for good. For now I can wait to see what unfolds. tonight, I will hold onto this moment of peace and watch the sun as it sets.

Hugs and Love!


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