Posted by: kathyhugs | November 27, 2009

November 27, 2004: Then & Now

Today would have been Tonia and JC’s 5th anniversary. It is weird to do the what if game. What if she was still alive? Would they have kids? Would they still be together? How would our lives be different? I try not to play this game but when a date comes up or one of Tonia’s friends contacts me I fall into the trap. I have to continue to remind myself that God is sovereign and that He knew when it was the perfect time to bring Tonia home. Not a moment too late or a moment too soon. I have seen the perfection of his timing in so many ways. I try to imagine what Heaven is like for my girl. I can sing her rocking all of the babies and singing to them. Rick bought me a wooden rocking chair for my birthday last weekend. It was one of those gifts that I mentioned in passing several months ago but he filed it in the back of his head and surprised me on my birthday. As I sit in it and rock I can picture Tonia rocking in Heaven as I am rocking in our home. It is a comfort. Maybe one of these days I will have a grand-baby to rock!

So today is bittersweet in a very weird way. I can’t celebrate an anniversary that never happened. I haven’t been able to forget what today should have been about. So today we relaxed at home, ran some errands and then Rick and I went to Panera for our time to talk date! I guess it is just another day but it still feels weird!

Tomorrow we will start to put up some Christmas decorations and then next weekend we will drive to Nazareth for the Christmas concert.

God is in control and that is where I will leave it. That is enough.

Have a blessed weekend with family and friends. I am thankful that you are sharing this journey with me!


  1. Hello Kathy,I'm J.C.'s cousin Theresa. I was at their wedding and I remember it. Tonia looked so beautiful in her dress and I sensed the presence of love. As I got to know Tonia I realised she was an amazing person inside and out. When she was taken away from me I was shocked. I am still having trouble with the loss of my two other cousins Marcus and Sammy as well as Tonia. I want you to know that I am here with you and for you. Goodluck with your journey.Lots of love.TheresaP.S. my name might show up as Nicole, it is the name I use for my blog.

    • Theresa, I remember you at Tonia’s wedding. She was so excited to introduce you to everyone in the family. I know you miss Marcus and Sammy. Too many young lives lost too soon. Thank you for your sweet comments about Tonia. She loved you very much!

  2. Kathy, Thank you for providing me Tonia's Rememberance card this morning. This is Keith your Shuttle Driver. I commented to this blog earlier, yet, not sure if it posted, can't see my post therefore, I am trying again. I am sorry to hear about your loss, I lost my Mother and Brother to a tragic death, and I know all three are in heaven together. I would also like to add St. Johns United Church of Chris in Nazareth, was my Wife's Church for most of her childhood, she lived in Nazareth along with some time in Old Forge, N.Y…Unfortunetly, we can not attend Tonia Service, yet, I want you to know Tonia and you are in my Prayers now and during the coming holidays. I will take some time to read your blogs, again thank you for allowing me the opportunity to be apart of your families memories of a magnificient young lady. 1stSgt Keith

    • Keith, I am so glad that you stopped by to read my blog. It is amazing to me how God works. I have enjoyed getting to know you and I felt an immediate connection. Now I read that your wife went to the church where the concert is being held .That is a God thing. I will keep your mother and brother in my prayers. Heaven is a special place with some very special people waiting for us. God bless!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: